Loverboy method

Little by little, they make young people emotionally dependent and ultimately drive them into prostitution. When adolescent girls suddenly change their style of dress, wear a lot of make-up and alienate themselves from their social environment, parents should take a closer look. German authorities are aware that not only migrant girls are exploited using the loverboy method, but that local schoolgirls also become victims.

When girls enter puberty, accompanied by self-doubt and insecurity, a difficult time usually begins for them. They are inexperienced in love relationships and sexuality. The so-called loverboys know how to exploit all this. Loverboys are good-looking young men whose aim is to make a profit from a vulnerable group of people. They write to female teenagers on Facebook, Instagram or other social networks and try to gain their trust. In addition to the internet, schoolyards and fast food restaurants are also potential places to make contact. To win the girls’ hearts, the loverboys initially present themselves as sensitive and understanding. The prince charming always has an open ear for everyday problems, be it school grades or arguments with parents.

This platonic internet relationship does not last long. The men encourage the girl of their choice to meet in person. They tell her how beautiful she is and give her a lot of attention, which she often doesn’t get from family and friends. Naturally, the schoolgirls fall in love with these attractive men, who are usually much older. Their mulish feelings are ignored and their friends’ skepticism is interpreted as envy. The loverboys then ensure that the chosen girl trusts them blindly and becomes dependent on them. Isolation from friends and family members is an important prerequisite for emotional dependency. Loverboys are masters of brainwashing.

The scam is always similar. The next complaint is about financial difficulties. The loverboy asks the girl for help. Through targeted manipulation and emotional blackmail (“If you really love me, then you’ll do it for me”, “Remember what I’ve already done for you”), the minors are pressured by their loverboys into having sex with strange men in exchange for money. They are assured that it is a one-off thing or that they just have to get enough money together and then it’s over. The young girls often don’t understand or don’t want to admit that their supposed love partners are actually using them coldly to enrich themselves financially. The feeling of being loved is too good. For many victims, it is the first time they have received attention from the opposite sex and the fear that no one else could love them makes them even more submissive.

Some parents think their child is not at risk, for example because it goes to a good school or grows up in the countryside. However, Bärbel Kannemann reports that more and more girls who attend a grammar school or private school are actually affected. She is the initiator of the “NO Loverboys” association and searches for missing girls who have fallen for a loverboy. She also personally looks after victims and gives educational talks at schools. She warns that it really can happen to any girl. Especially in rural areas, young people are increasingly turning to the internet out of boredom. Some of the victims are only eleven or twelve years old.

German public prosecutor Stefan Willkomm explains: “Loverboy offenses are classified as human trafficking by the Federal Criminal Police Office. The issue of human trafficking is often associated with migrants, but it also affects German girls. However, reports and court proceedings are rare. There are several reasons for this. The victims often remain emotionally attached to their lover boy for a very long time and protect him. Many are too ashamed that they have fallen for such tricks and therefore do not want to press charges. A WDR documentary reports on the charges against a loverboy who was up to mischief in Düsseldorf. Four girls from North Rhine-Westphalia had the courage to take him to court in 2017. A lack of attention from society is also one of the reasons. Public prosecutor Willkomm believes that there are indeed prosecutions and trials in those cities where his colleagues are active. But where no one is looking, loverboy crimes go undetected. The criminal investigation department in Austria also regrets that the perpetrators are difficult to identify. The girls concerned often lack the awareness that they are victims and blame themselves. In addition, the victims’ strong emotional relationship with the loverboys often hinders cooperation.

If a loverboy notices that his victim is trying to break away from him, threats are made. The parents, siblings or friends would be harmed if the girl confided in someone. As the victims are also often beaten, they know how violent the men are and take the threats seriously. But even if they manage to escape, they often return voluntarily to their tormentor soon afterwards because they still believe in true love. Until the victims really realize that their prince charming is a brutal pimp, it is a lengthy process that may require psychological help.

TeeMany parents are not even aware that the loverboy scam exists and even if they have heard about it, they believe it is only a problem in big cities and in precarious social environments. If parents knew what warning signs to look out for, that would be a good start, Kannemann emphasizes. Of course, schoolgirls should also learn about these warning signs in order to raise their awareness. They should also be taught how to deal responsibly with internet acquaintances. But even if young girls are educated about the topic, they are by no means protected from falling for a lover boy.

We are happy to come to schools to educate. Please get in touch with us.
Telling about us – Introducing Perlentor